The hubbs went camping with his guy pals this weekend, so I had Baby Girl all to myself since Thursday morning. I know its not a long time or anything, but it was the first time that her and I spent so many days and nights together just the two of us. Let me give you the short version of the weekend – except for part of Saturday my daughter cried and whined from Thursday until Sunday. By Sunday I was at my wits end. I put her down for a nap at 11 am.
I have to add that Ive been worrying about my husband getting orders and our supposed move in January. He has to get a new security clearance to go back on a ship. He turned the paperwork in at the end of March. There was a new guy handling the paperwork for this and he had no idea what he was doing I guess. So for TWO months my husband’s security clearance paperwork sat on a desk somewhere. His file was finally looked at about a week and a half ago. He was supposed to pick orders in April. Here we are in June with no orders, and no idea when he will be able talk to the detailer. What really gets me, is that in April we could pretty much pick anywhere we wanted to go. Now… not so much. Actually there are a few recruiters that had orders in hand to leave recruiting this summer that are now pushed back to to monetary issues, but that is a while other post.
Anyways. So Ive been stressed about my job, and the idea of moving (WHAT am I going to DO when we move?!), money, orders, etc. Im a worrier by nature, but holy hell my brain will not get out of panic mode and we still have months left.
So this weekend really got me thinking about my ability to be a “single mother” if / when we move and D goes out to sea, or on a 6 month deployment. Can I handle it? I guess all that pressure on myself and the crabby baby just got me overwhelmed.
After I put her in her crib, I sat on the living room floor to wrap a present for a baby shower… and I just slumped over started balling my eyes out. Im not hormonal or anything, so I surprised myself a little. But after Igot it out I felt much better.
I told D what happened and he thought I was funny, and gave me a big hug. I guess sometimes stress is part of the mom job. Cant say I like that part of it, but I guess its just something you (I) cant help.
Sigh.
Oh, hugs to you, slumping cry fests seem like a completely normal response to cranky babies and lazy detailers!
But I agree, uncertainty over your ability to parent alone is a powerfully scary thing, especially when you have such wee little ones. I can tell you ’til I’m blue in the face that of course you can do this alone while your hubs is deployed, but until you are doing it for yourself, it’s not reassuring.
Two things to remember – your babe will be that much older when the time comes AN you are most definitely not alone!
Sorry to hear your husband’s detailer sucks, too. I know how you feel, believe me.
Are you still likely heading to San Diego? If so, you couldn’t be in a better place for doing kid stuff outside during the day. Are you planning to work while he’s at sea? Let me know if we can help – we know a lot of people there.
You are strong! I sure you are going to be fine. Hope you have a happy day.