I have been in a F-U-N-K lately. Thankfully mine is not Suckville like my friends LAW & Tucker, because that, well… sucks. But I have been in one none the less. It seems like I cant pinpoint what exactly is making me feel so blah lately. Work? No security clearance yet? Family? I really dont know. What I do know is that I would like it to stop. Pronto.
I have a feeling that most of it has to do with work, because most of the time when I am home at night I feel normal again. The conference took a lot out of me. Im more than swamped, took a pay cut, etc.
I can tell you one thing that has been on my mind a lot lately – baby #2. While at the conference last week (with mostly middle aged men mind you) I got asked a lot about my family. Of course my family rocks, but once people find out my daughter is 20 months old now the same old question “so when you guys gonna have baby #2″? People do not really understand how rude this really is. You can never fully understand someone’s situation and you dont know if they are already trying but having a hard time. Or if they didnt want kids in the first place and then – oops. And as somone who has said this to people before, and not realized how annoying / rude it can be – I am sorry to you.
Here is my biggest issue with it. Once I reply that I dont want anymore and that we are content with one child I proceed to get a friggin lecture. This didnt only happen once during the two days, but about 10 times. Literally. By the end, I didnt even want to talk about my family anymore. I started lying and saying we werent sure when, but then of course you get people saying – oh now that she’s almost two its the PERFECT time!
Ahhh… really. I am so grateful that my husband is who he is. And that my baby is a kick-ass rockstar child. I have a happy life. Why is is hard for people to comprehend that I dont need anything more? Sure siblings have a bond that is different than friendships… but (I’m going to sound like an asshole here) my friends ARE my family. They are there for me when my family isnt willing and / or able. And vice versa. So I dont buy that – kids NEED to have siblings thing for one second.
So please, do me a favor, and next time you are talking to someone about their family, unless they bring it up first… dont pry about their kid situation. Because its usually a very private thing, and people dont want to be lectured about it. kthanks.
So, while this has gotten me a little worked up right now… it really not even what has been making me all funky. Just needed to get that out.
One time, a base housing maintenance guy was at my house fixing my dishwasher and we started making small talk. He told me he had five kids and I said, “Wow!”
He then asked if I had any kids and I said no. So he says to me, “What’s your problem? Do you just hate kids or something?”
At the time, we were trying to get pregnant and it wasn’t working. I felt like punching him in the forehead!
I’ll never understand why people feel the need to give unsolicited advice on such a personal subject.
We need to rally the troops and come up with a really kick-ass response to those nosy jerks!
BTW, every only child that I know is an awesome kid / adult.
I think that maybe most people dont know how rude and insensitive it is. Maybe a few people will stumble across this and spread the word.
Sorry to hear that the maintenance guy was a douchebag. I cant imagine how that would have felt, but I might have had a really hard time NOT punching him. For real.
as the only child of an only child, and as the mom of an only and gramma of a doll who probably will be an only – we are just fine as onlies , thank you very much. Sheesh! Yeah, honey, I remember this crap too… and I’m afraid I started to lie and say we just weren’t able to have another. It was easier than trying to justify – to strangers!- why we didn’t have a bunch. Wish I’d been stronger and able to say – well, I didn’t realize you took such an interest in my family – when shall we put you down for babysitting? and how’s that college fund you started for my child?
he
As for the funk – we all seem to be in the dumps. August weekend – we’ll be better!
LAW
I can definitely relate to this, even without kids. As a couple who has struggled to conceive, finally doing so, and then it ending in the miscarriage, it is like a knife to the heart when people who DON’T EVEN KNOW ME start asking “oh, so when are you going to have kids?” “How come you two haven’t started yet?”
Just because I’m an Army Wife, I’m expected to have popped out five kids already, even though I’m not even 30, because you know, that’s the Army Standard. People who just meet me think that it’s weird that we are 28/30 and don’t have any kids yet.
So I feel ya, sister. It’s rude, and inconsiderate, and I HATE answering those questions.
Yeah I dont get why people feel like some incredibly personal questions are ok. (Kinda like when they ask when your husband is going to get out or if he’s staying in, I dont ask the cashier at Target or my doctor how long till her finds a new job)
I’m pregnant with #3 now and I get the opposite, people have no problems telling me how crazy my life will be and how we should have waited. a bit late now people isnt it?
I think I’m going to just start kicking people and then running/waddling away.
You know… I thought of you and my friend Lopsided Mom as I wrote this post. I was wondering if you guys get the opposite. People butting in and saying – wow, three is just too much. Or – you are going to have your hands full.
I know I’ve heard it said before to people, but since Im not in the situation I didnt know if it was as common as – when you going to have baby #2?
So I guess all aroud, people need to keep it shut!